And now, time for a poem and some random feeling spilling!
You appeared to be verisimilar
Now you’re unfamiliar
Even the exterior
I couldn’t be wearier
All the better
Considering the weather
I’ll put on my leather
Hang up the tether
I sought this edacious
Love blooming, spacious
No one could face us
The truth; I stay sequacious
Nauseous trepidation to valediction
Pleading for a liberator of my addiction
Hoping someone won’t fear my affliction
I am made of much more than just friction
Dejected by the pursuit to be protected, by fiction
I feel like such an asshole right now. I feel like I just stepped out of a time warp today. I’ve been so retarded blind to everything around and me. My good feelings were turning into dust in my mouth.
What the fuck is my problem? I feel really sappy and sad and mean. So, I’m listening to my Drake playlist. Why do I feel this way towards the best thing in my life? Why can’t I stay here, where she is? I just want to cry, I want to stay with my feelings. Sit with them. Figure out where they belong. Maybe accept what I’ve been doing to myself. Maybe hive Mat some credit for being the actual love of my life… I swear I never realized until today, that I AM LIKE THE DUDE WITH MY EMOTIONS…possibly more so than him. This Drake playlist is eating my heart. I’m using Views to figure out my views.
I feel how I did when I first understood why my mind was splitting. I feel like I did…I don’t know when. I feel like a teenager. Or 2012 me. I probably hurt her feelings so bad. What the fuck is my problem? I just don’t think I’d deal with me if I were him. Like, who am I? The physical shit is psychotic. I’ve been psychotic. What the fuck is my problem? Can’t ask that fucking question enough. I literally feel like my heart is broken am I’m an idiot. I don’t know why…I’m been in the backseat, the trunk, and under the wheels of my feelings of love towards Mat. I never saw how shut off and vacant I’ve been. And I’m not surprised he’s hiding everything from me? Why can’t I feel the way I do today every day? Why can’t I feel this thing that exists every day…every day? I’m heartbroken. I’m a heart breaker, douche-bag. And again, what the…well, you know the question by now.